Useful Tips

Build good relationships with people in 14 steps.

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Although we are all different, each of us strives to have good relationships with others. Man is a social being. We cannot live without communication. Moreover, we enjoy communicating with other people. Having a good relationship with a person, no matter what his hobbies, does not at all mean being his best friend or sharing his interests. If you want to have good relationships with people, treat them with respect and love.

Get rid of criticism

None of the people like to be criticized. Rather, we avoid people who criticize what we do and want to impose their opinions on us at every step. According to them, we always look bad. We have a bad sense of humor.

We do things in life that are not, in their opinion, important. Our views, in their opinion, leave much to be desired. Each time we are in the company of such people, we try to sit as far away from them as possible so as not to accidentally become a victim of criticism.

This does not mean that criticism is anything bad. Constructive criticism can bring a lot of good in life - we can note what mistakes we make or what positive changes we can make in our lives.

However, criticism of incompetent persons has a completely different meaning. Imagine that suddenly your colleague, who does not have the slightest idea about the business, tells you that what you are doing does not make sense, that you are taking unnecessary risks and that you probably will not succeed. This is not entirely nice.

If you hear the same words from another colleague who has been doing business all his life and knows this perfectly well - of course, you will take such criticism in a completely different way.

There is a group of people who criticize because they just have such a lifestyle. Each opportunity is good for them to say a couple of comments.

They simply consider themselves responsible for commenting on any topic that concerns you. So that you feel bad. However, the more you are afraid of their attack, the more satisfaction they will receive from this.

Therefore, try not to criticize others. Even if you don’t like what the other side does, says or thinks, try to express your opinion in such a way as not to hurt.

You can say: “I understand that you have such an opinion on this topic, but I think otherwise, I do not want to argue, because each of us has the right to our own opinion.” So you do not hurt and at the same time, defend your borders.

Do not teach!

People do not like to be taught. They want to have the feeling that they are bringing some value to the lives of others. Often you can hear someone telling how to deal with this problem. It is evident that he is proud of it ... and then suddenly you break him off with your teachings.

A man appears who begins to tell how it is best, what needs to be done and what is not - this is unpleasant for anyone, because everyone wants to consider himself smart, competent and resourceful.

Remember, you should not give advice if you are not asked about this. If you care about good relationships with other people, then try not to teach them. Hear what they say, and leave your clever thoughts until you are asked to share them.

Do not judge - try to understand

Does anyone have extremely different views from yours? Or maybe he is doing something that does not meet the standards you have adopted?

Most immediately rushes to such a scoundrel with claws, and wants to change it, adjusting for themselves. Well, why do this? Can't a person have a different approach to life? This is incompatible with you, so what?

Everyone has the right to be themselves and have their own views. Before we begin to evaluate another person, we should first think about why he has such views. Maybe from his position there is something to learn?

Or is the other person understanding something worse than you? Let us be tolerant and receptive to what other people bring with them. If we have respect for differences, we will understand that for a certain purpose there is no one right way, and you can get there by going along different roads. Therefore, show understanding.

Express your sincere appreciation.

When you are talking with someone, honestly tell him what you like best about him.

  • Maybe he put on a special shirt today?
  • Maybe it has a beautiful brooch or a scarf?
  • Or maybe he is good at something, and you can praise him for how he dealt with some difficult situation?

There are many things that we can see in other people. It is important that the recognition that we express is sincere and devoid of cunning and a desire to win over a person.

There is nothing worse than a compliment, or insincerity. The most important thing is to stay natural and tell people pleasant things out of the need of the heart, and not for the sake of self-interest.

5 principles of good relationships

In combination with the ability to understand people, these principles will be enough to learn how to build strong friendships and relationships.

  • The trust. This is the basis of all good relationships. When you trust a colleague, acquaintance or client, you create a powerful relationship that will help you work and communicate more efficiently. If you trust the people with whom you are conducting a dialogue, you can be frank and honest in your thoughts and actions.
  • Mutual respect. When you respect people, you value their input and ideas, and they value yours. By working together or simply communicating, you can find solutions based on collective understanding, wisdom, and creativity.
  • Mindfulness. This means taking responsibility for your words and actions. Those who are careful, careful and follow what they say do not allow their negative emotions to influence others around them.
  • Ability to adopt a different point of view. Following this principle, not only accept different people and their opinions as equals, but also welcome them. This means that when your loved ones, friends or colleagues offer something, you do not blindly reject, but always find time to analyze their point of view and understand it at a deep level.
  • Openness. We communicate with people all day: whether we send emails, whether we chat, whether we meet face to face. The better and more effective we communicate with others, the richer the relationship will be. All good relationships depend on open, honest communication.

You may ask: “What if a person does not want to communicate with me on these principles? Do I really have to behave with him respectfully and openly, and at that time he will snap and conflict with me? ” Yes, that's exactly what you have to do, though not in all cases. It makes no sense to build a relationship with an outspoken boor. But good relationships with others always require patience and energy.

If a person does not trust you, it is not scary. Trust him, be open, and show respect. After some time, the ice will melt and you will find a friend. The guarantees are not 100%, but very high.

It is very easy to build healthy relationships with someone who is set up for it. No effort is required for this - everything will be harmonious. Your skills will only grow if you have to establish good relationships with complex people - this is real skill.

Respect man time

It is amazing how many people today do not even think about this rule. Remember that every time you write, call or start a conversation with a person, he may be busy. Even if it seems like he is idle, he can think over important issues.

You yourself do not always want to devote your time to others. Ignore SMS and messages on social networks, because you know: this will be followed by a full conversation, and maybe some suggestion.

Therefore, first of all, ask if the interlocutor has time for a conversation. And even if he answers in the affirmative, follow his signals in the process of dialogue: you can notice that he nervously glances towards the exit or is tense. So ask this question again.

Remember the Golden Rule

It is unlikely that mankind will come up with something more valuable in building positive relations than the old golden rule: "Treat people the way you want to be treated."

Will you be surprised that if a mercenary, greedy and irritable person, if they have friends, are they about the same moral level? Like attracts like.

Listen carefully

Listening attentively is the ability to increase the self-esteem of another person, a quiet form of flattery that makes people feel support and value. Successful relationships are born at the very moment when you understand the interlocutor at a deep level. The one that is behind the words.

You should be sincerely interested in what a person wants to say, what he feels or wants. Make it a rule to rephrase the interlocutor’s messages and return them to him for verification. This is the best feedback form.

1. Spend every minute together

“You are my soul mate” is a cinematic phrase that hints that when you find love, you become whole. What about being holistic in itself? To do this, it is not necessary to share with your beloved every minute. Psychologists say that in about 30% of cases, someone in a pair does not have enough personal space.

Couples often break up due to a banal lack of privacy and the resulting stress. Experienced people know that being always together is not a guarantee of a strong union, but rather a threat to it. No matter how trustworthy the relationship may be, partners must have a place and time to be alone with their thoughts and to lose social masks.

2. Never quarrel

I want to believe that if this is the same person assigned to you by fate, then you will not have to quarrel and the relationship will become ideal. If you are constantly in conflict, then it’s not fate? Wise people do not think so. They are ready to sort things out and argue hoarsely.

Psychologists also urge not to avoid quarrels. Because problems need to be revealed, not hushed up. After all, contradictions appear not just like that, but serve as signals for changes. A timely conflict is a step towards making relations more comfortable for both.

3. Believe the promises

Psychologists have revealed an interesting pattern: a person in love, rather, will not keep the promise that he made to his partner. And this is explained not by irresponsibility or neglect, but by the peculiarities of our perception.

Firstly, in a fit of warm feelings, we tend to promise our loved one more than we can fulfill. Secondly, it’s not so scary to screw up in front of a loved one with whom you feel comfortable and who, most likely, will forgive for a minor oversight. This lesson was perfectly learned by experienced people, and therefore they are attentive to their promises and are in no hurry to believe everything that they promise them.

4. To threaten parting

Reminding that a relationship can end at any moment, and thereby pushing a partner to change behavior, can be effective, but the effect does not last long. In the future, such words will cause the partner no more sensitive attitude, as we would like, but fear, insecurity and, possibly, retaliatory aggression.

According to researchers, insecure people tend to manipulate through threats. It’s easier for them to distance themselves from a partner than to delve into problems. A wise people help a positive look at the partner. They discuss problems not from the position “I will refuse you if you do not improve”, but from the perspective of “let's try to fix this together.”

5. Criticize each other

You may have a bad mood, a bad hairstyle or your joke may not sound very witty, but the partner’s business is to support you and brighten up the inconvenience. In harmonious relations, the partner is your ally, but not your opponent. According to the psychologist, criticism provokes an early breakup.

Wise people distinguish criticism from simple expression of discontent. Criticism casts doubt on a person’s personal qualities and belittles him. If one has a need to criticize the other, then this indicates that the critic may have an inferiority complex, which he tries to compensate by asserting himself through his partner.

6. To be jealous of trifles

The more jealous, the more he loves - experienced people do not believe in it. And psychologists urge not to color the excessive control and mistrust of the partner in romantic tones. The myth that a truly loving person will be jealous of every pillar is far from the truth.

According to the observations of scientists, people who regularly checked the partner’s accounts on social networks found more and more reasons not to trust him, increased their own anxiety and desire to convict him of treason, and ended up in a vicious circle. People who tend to be jealous of little things are usually not sure of their role for a partner, and often in themselves. Restricting other people's freedom is not an option. What if jealousy haunts you?

  • Do not look for reasons to catch a partner in treason. Leave correspondence alone and remove unnecessary control.
  • Develop self-confidence and strengthen relationships in a constructive way. If you do not doubt your own significance for the partner, then there is no point in jealousy.
  • More often tell your partner about your jealousy. It is important to speak sincerely, but not to break into anger or blame. In the calm, conciliatory tone with which you talk about the problem, the path to its solution will open.

Mark the action!

It is also worth paying attention to the achievements of our interlocutors. Someone has done something extraordinary - praise him. Or maybe your friend’s humor has enthralled you - don’t be silent about it! Tell the person that you admire in his actions and words! And best of all, if you say this to other people - so that he can feel himself appreciated by a wider audience.

Develop your communication skills

Communication occurs when someone understands you, and not just when you speak. One of the biggest dangers here is that you are assuming that the person has understood the message.

Anyone who feels that they do not understand him is easily amenable to stress and nervous. To do this, you need to develop communication skills with which a person learns to correctly convey his thoughts with the help of words, body language and emotions.

Develop empathy

Empathy and understanding create a connection between people. This is a state of perception and attitude to the feelings and needs of another person, without accusations and orders. Empathy also means “reading” the other person’s internal state and interpreting it in such a way as to offer support and develop mutual trust.

Build good relationships with people.

It is known that after one meeting with another person we will not create long-term relationships. Although many already after the first meeting they know whether this person will be in the circle of his friends or not. Just some people feel it, but not everyone has this function.

However, despite this ability to find potential friends, not everyone is able after one meeting to secure a strong friendship and the disposition of another person.

Friendship is something that needs to be worked on for a month, or even a year. We need to maintain good relationships with people. To be present. Show interest in the affairs of the other side, and just simply devote your time.

Support

Enjoy success with your friend. Celebrate with another person everything that happened to him good. Enjoy as if it were your own successes and victories.

In times of crisis and failure - support. Sometimes it’s enough just to be around. Serve with a kind word, friendly ear, reach out or just let cry in your arms.

Remember important things

Birthday? Name day? Important events from life? You must remember this! Now, in the era of social networks, you have all the data in sight. However, there are still people who do not publicly disclose such data, and it may be that you will be the only person who congratulates them on the day of the holiday.

If you have a good relationship with people, then remember to be unique to them. Do you write greetings to everyone on social networks? And the closest you can send a message or just call. The fact that you distinguish a person from the crowd of other people is incredibly nice.

Spend time together - make pleasant memories

Time is the best that you can invest in good relationships with people or with another person. Through shared moments and time spent together, you build memories. After a few years, you can sit down and remember - “Do you remember how ...?”. These are invaluable moments.

Through common moments you build your one and only story. Yes, relationships with each person are the one and only story - as each person is unique and one of a kind.

You are creating something new, your shared connection, shared memories, friendship. Over time, you begin to think in terms of “we,” not “me.” You begin to have common dreams, to think about a joint future. Yes, and this is true for each type of relationship, and not just at the family and partnership level!

Каждые плохие или хорошие отношения с людьми являются другими, потому что каждый человек индивидуален. Нужно оставаться открытым для других людей, потому что каждый вносит в нашу жизнь какую-то новую ценность, и благодаря этому мы все время учимся и развиваемся.

Сходства и различия

It is worth remembering that with other people we have both similarities and differences. Due to the similarity, the force of gravity works. We have common topics. We can talk for hours. We see someone like us. We think on the same wavelength, and we like the same things.

Opposites allow us to maintain individuality and identity. They are an element of interest in relationships. Show our unique exoticism and difference.

Differences help us create harmonious and good relationships with people, complementing each other.

It must be remembered that it is precisely because of this versatility that people are so interesting to study. If we were all the same, then the Earth would be a very boring and predictable place. It is such diversity that gives inexhaustible possibilities of knowing what is unknown.

However, tolerance is absolutely necessary! Just because someone is not 100% the same as us does not mean that he is worse. He is just different. It has the right to its weaknesses and weaknesses.

As the other side of the relationship, we should know that we should not be evaluated. In communication you need to feel, first of all, safe. You need to feel that you can be yourself, as you are, without pretending to be anything. Because relationships with another person are the art of acceptance, tolerance and love.

Take breaks sometimes

Each connection sometimes requires a break. The time at which you can relax from each other. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to give you the opportunity to miss another person. Such a pause works as a “freshener” of relationships!

It is because of this that in our friendships there will always be affection, gravity and positive emotions. Such pauses give special joy in meetings and make friendship even stronger.

The power of small gestures

Since the house is built from many small bricks, a good relationship with people or with another person consists of such small bricks, which are a good word, general moments and small gestures.

Small gestures are such a link. Maybe you should sometimes write a message or call completely without reason to ask - how are you?

Sometimes you just need to send a postcard or surprise your friend - these little things will forever remain in the memory of a friend.

Remember what you are talking about

There is nothing worse when talking with another person, how to listen, and not hear what he is telling you. Most of all they do not like such interlocutors who assent to what you say, and wander through the eyes of nobody knows where.

This suggests that the person is simply not interested in you. Do not be so - always listen carefully to what your interlocutor is talking about, and if you are not able to concentrate, postpone the conversation to another time. A friend will understand you.

Imagine this situation, you are talking with someone, someone is telling you something that is very important to him. You meet next time, and ask him how he managed to resolve this issue. Many people make big eyes in surprise that you remember what you were talking about. Such a person will probably be remembered. Such people today are worth their weight in gold.

Be interested

Be interested in what your interlocutor tells you. Ask about the details (of course, in the framework of common sense and decency), ask questions. If you don’t understand something, ask for an explanation. Try to take an active part in this conversation.

Rephrase what your interlocutor is saying to make sure you understand what he is saying.

Smile, nod - let your body language and gestures show that you are fully involved and listen carefully. Take part in the conversation.

Ask questions

This is the best way to show participation and respect. Even if a person speaks incessantly, the right questions can make him change the subject or start talking about what is interesting to both.

To make the change of topic not seem rude, ask about something sweet and at the same time personal: about a dog or children.

Accept people for who they are

We all want to remake someone, make them smarter, more rational, more fun. This is a completely understandable desire, only if you want to help a person, show it by your example. Until then, accept it for what it is.

Want your friend or girlfriend to be smarter? Then do not talk about it out loud, do something: drive to intellectual films, give books, collect puzzles together. If you are not so close, then just work on yourself. Be an example to follow.

Enjoy the conversation

All relationship tips don't make sense if you hate people or find them boring. You may first have to make an effort on yourself, but after some time you will become genuinely interested in others.

This also works in the opposite direction: when you are interested in people, they begin to be interested in you in return. This is the law. Who doesn’t want to spend time with someone to whom he is interested?

Develop as a person

Want to build good and strong relationships? Become better, be interesting, support any topic.

This means reading a lot, watching educational videos, working on yourself, increasing the level of creative and logical thinking. Do something interesting:

  • Write a novel.
  • Compose verses.
  • Draw.
  • Learn foreign languages.

Do not change your principles

It means being completely honest. The truth is not always pleasant. Yes, you do not need to enter into conflicts, but in many cases it is better to say that you do not like something. Trying to build a relationship with a person, but see that he is acting unfairly with others? Quietly tell him about it, and do not be silent so as not to piss off.

Surprisingly, such directness can make relationships more solid. People do not like toadies, but they value honesty and decency, even if they themselves are not like that. They know one thing: if you are fair and make comments to them, then, in the future, do justice to them. Show courage and be rewarded.

We discussed how to build relationships with those who also want this. But what about complex people? It can be so painful that it’s easier to push such a person away than to try to make contact. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. Let's see what are the ways to build relationships with not very nice people.

How to learn to communicate with difficult people

Not all people proceed from the principle advocated by Stephen Covey: "Think in the spirit of winning, winning." This means not only to get what you want, but also to help the interlocutor in achieving his goals.

Difficult people may well decide to step on the throat of their own desires, in order to harm you. They act irrationally and easily lose their temper. How to communicate with them and build good relationships? There are several recommendations on this subject.

Stay calm

Self-control destroys the conflict at the very beginning and helps to relieve the tension. Therefore, the first rule in dealing with a difficult person is to keep calm, the less you react to attacks and criticism, the more you think with a cold head, and not with the help of unpredictable emotions.

Best advice: never be offended. If we are tuned to this, we will not react impulsively. The interlocutor may try to swing the pendulum and if you do not indulge him, then his energy will not find a way out.

Change reactive thinking to proactive

A person who does not participate in conflicts and squabbles becomes successful. He concentrates his energy on solving the problem.

When you are offended by someone else’s words or actions, come up with several ways to look at the situation. For example, before being annoyed by the negative reaction of the interlocutor, think about what made him say this. In most cases, unpleasant words are a projection of internal pain. A person may have nothing against you, but he needs to put pressure somewhere.

To understand is to react proactively. After all, the essence of communication is not in the search for enemies, but in achieving a goal.

Separate a person from a problem

In each communication situation, there are two elements: the relationship that you have with this person, and the problem that you are discussing. An effective communicator knows how to separate a person from a problem, be soft in relation to the situation, and honest in this matter. For example:

  • “I want to talk about what's on your mind, but I can't do it when you scream. Let's either sit down and talk more calmly, or spend time separately and return to this issue later. ”
  • “You are often late. Unfortunately, if this happens again, we will start the event without you. ”

It is very important to be extremely gentle in your criticism, but honest. One has only to lose his temper and start blaming how you can forget about resolving the conflict.

Let the man speak

Difficult people want to attract attention. Sometimes you can turn around and leave, but if you are dealing with a client, this will not work.

It may take a long time to listen. But if it's worth it, do it. No objection or criticism in return. Be humble and do not heat the atmosphere. This is difficult, because the interlocutor does not focus on solving the problem, but on what happened. Then resort to the first advice: keep calm. And remember that if you manage, it will increase your skills in building relationships with people several times.

Use relevant humor

Everything is always serious in a conflict. When used properly, humor disarms. It demonstrates that you have iron calm and are in complete control of the situation. But, of course, he should not be mocking.

Become a dialogue facilitator

Whenever two people communicate, one usually leads the topic, and the other follows. In healthy communication, two people will alternately change these roles.

People who are difficult to communicate like to completely seize the initiative, set a negative tone, and find out again and again who is to blame. You can interrupt this behavior simply by changing the theme. Use the questions to redirect the conversation. In addition, you can always say “By the way ...” and introduce a new topic.

To learn how to build good relationships with people, you need only two things: patience and desire. They will appear if you are sufficiently interested in the topic and begin to delve into it. The following books are excellent for this purpose.

  • “How to Make Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.
  • "Games People Play" Eric Byrne.
  • "Forms of Human Relations" Eric Byrne.
  • Sign Language by Alan Pease and Barbara Pease.
  • "Language of conversation" Alan Pease and Barbara Pease.
  • “Men from Mars, Women from Venus” John Gray.
  • “There is a leader in everyone. Tribes in the era of social networks »Seth Godin.
  • The Psychology of Influence by Robert Cialdini.
  • “Five injuries that prevent you from being yourself” Liz Burbo.

Nobody succeeds alone. All of us are more or less dependent on others. Therefore, what kind of relationship you build with them affects the quality of life.

Relations with people - this is an area that is worth it to improve your abilities and skills in it. With practice, you will learn to read people, intuitively understand what and how to tell them, they will begin to listen to you and ask for advice. And this is tremendous power and influence.

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